“I’d rather watch Transformers 3”. I think this one quote from my girlfriend pretty much sums it up. But let us briefly shine a light on why. Is it the painful dialogue? Meaningless story threads? Unthreatening aliens? Risible performances? It is all of these things. But then I think of two more.

1. How can you make a film with battleships and aliens boring?

2. How can a film called ‘Battleship’, based on the game ‘Battleship’, have so little in common with the game bar a ridiculous 3 minutes in the middle and there being ships?
I actually felt the need to apologise for putting it on.
Battleship tries to be several things. But story threads involving war veterans, amputees and relationships ultimately mean nothing. Then when it comes to the explosions, it doesn’t even do that well.
Save yourself two hours and miss this.

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