Well that was…not very sexy at all.
Despite the fuss 50 Shades is merely a few scenes of soft porn linked by cliché and some bland performances. Dornan isn’t intimidating or particularly convincing at being commanding whilst Johnson is just a bit less of a tease than Bella from Twilight, who it’s painfully obvious she was based on.
Fortunately we only have to hear the dialogue and not read E.L.James’ excruciatingly bad inner monologues.
There’s no real story to speak of, it’s just there. It wasn’t all that titillating, and if you’ve been around the internet you’ve seen far racier.